I Think My Divorce Helped Me Heal My Generational Pain
Here’s what happened when I realized I “married my mother.”
“It became less important to me to fix my marriage once I focused on healing my relationship with my mom.”
This was my latest therapy breakthrough — admitting to my therapist that my feelings about my marriage eerily reflected my sentiments about my relationship with my mother.
Becoming aware of my mommy issues over the last year — and that I married someone just like my mother — means that I also just divorced my mother.
What kind of mommy issues did I have?
I would always seek out the unhealed — the emotionally unavailable people in the world. I was constantly trying to “fix” them.
To me, a fixer-upper = an opportunity to take a Grinch heart and make it grow three-sizes. To prove that I am truly lovable.
The relationship that started this addiction was the one with my mother. Well, our relationship B.B. — Before Brother.
It wasn’t until today that I thought to measure time in these increments:
- B.B. — Before Brother. Before I found out the family secret that changed my life; and
- A.B. — After Brother. After I met the secret brother that was the missing link to my healing.
Today is exactly one year A.B. — After Brother.
You see, before I met my brother (which oddly sounds like the name of a cheesy network T.V. sitcom), I was angry with my mother.
No, that’s not true — I was angry and disgusted with her.
But I guess I also married her…and just divorced her.
Let’s unpack this shit.
My mom had a teenage pregnancy. Not only was that jaw-dropping to find out last year, but the real kicker was she got pregnant with — my dad.